Pilot humor

Bradley received this in an email.  Ohhhh, pilot humor...

Fighter Pilot

An aspiring young man wanted to become a pilot ... a fighter pilot. He sent an email to the USAF making the following enquiry.

The response is instructive probably applying to some airline jobs ... especially a few freight dog jobs that see misfit pilots flying all over the world.

Student Email Letter:

I am D. J. Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF.

What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in life?

What could I do to get into the Air Force Academy?

Sincerely,

DJ Baker

From: Van Wickler, Kenneth, Lt Col HQ AETC

Anybody in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace?

LTC Wickler

Reply:

A worldly and jaded C 130 pilot, Lt Col Jim Smith, rises to the task of answering the young man's letter.

Dear DJ,

Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, "Top Gun" media portrayal of fighter pilots.

Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I've found most fighter pilots pompous, backstabbing, momma's boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative:

What you really want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT. And this, young DJ, means one thing, the venerable workhorse, the C-130! I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 feet above the ground, with the navigator leading the way and trying to interpret an alternate route to the drop zone, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while eating a box lunch with the engineer in the back relieving himself and the loadmaster puking in his trash can!

I tell you DJ, TAC Airlift is where it's at! Where else is it legal to throw tanks, HUMV's, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry about it when the chute doesn't open and it torpedoes the General's staff car! Nowhere else can you land on a 3000 foot dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and stuff out on the ramp without stopping, then takeoff again before range control can call to tell you that you've landed on the wrong LZ! And talk about exotic travel; when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for 3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the local culture long enough to give the locals a bad taste in their mouths regarding the USAF and Americans in general, not something those C-141 Stratolifter pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms!

As far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these:

1. Take a lot of math courses. You'll need all the advanced math skills you can muster to enable you to calculate per diem rates around the world, and when trying to split up the crew's bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he owes 85% of the whole thing and the navigator believes he owes the other 20%.

2. Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer before the tremendous case of the G.I.'s catches up to you from that meal you ate at the place that had the really good belly dancers in some God-forsaken foreign country whose name you can't even pronounce.

3. Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC Airlifter to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of the nearest topless bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every sensibility of the local religion and culture.

4. A foreign language is helpful but not required. You will never be able to pronounce the names of the Navaids in France, and it's much easier to ignore them and to go where you want to anyway. As a rule of thumb: waiters and bellhops in France are always called "Pierre", in Spain it's "Hey, Pedro" and in Italy, of course, it's "Mario". These terms of address also serve in other countries interchangeably, depending on the level of suaveness of the addressee.

5. A study of geography is paramount. You will need to know the basic location of all the places you've been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to stick those little pins in that huge world map you've got taped to your living room wall, right next to the giant wooden giraffe statue and beer stein collection.

Well, DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about the Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced education. A nice, big state college or the Naval Academy would be a much better choice.

Jim Smith
Lt Col USAF

and the winner is...

Brads assignment night has been on our minds since day 1 of pilot training (and on his mind since, well, his birth). The day grew closer, but the wait grew longer.

All his hard work. All this effort. All his energy. Day in, day out. 371 days of pilot training. Countless hours in the squadron - studying, preparing, daydreaming. Numerous flights in the T-6 and T-44. Cancelled flights, cross-country flights, out-and-back flights, all leading up to this day...

Assignment Night.

Imagine his excitement when we arrived at the base, he entered the room to make his selection and his number one choice was written right there on the list. Waiting for him to snatch it up. It was all his.

I present...

The plane...

That Bradley..

Will be flying...

C130J's!

He is completely ecstatic, WE are completely ecstatic. We will be PCSing to Little Rock AFB, Arkansas for training and also as our first duty station. 

Next up - Brads Winging Ceremony on March 9. We are anticipating our families arrival and looking forward to celebrating Bradley's amazing accomplishments. 

Watch out world - you can't stop him! 

Lately

Lately around the Breedlove household, we have:

Received awesome, loving, thoughtful gifts from our husband. 

Played cards at the SDO Shack while Brad sat watch. 

Passed out goodies bags at a weekend event for work. 

Chewed on Christmas present from Aunt Jenna.

Played cards with friends.

Hid under the covers when we didn't want to get out of bed. 

Made wishes with indecisive wishbones.

Visited the hospital. 

Shared carrot cake with PaPa and NaNa. 

Flown commercially. 

Found inspiration.

Celebrated Valentine's Day. 

Made a fire inside our charcoal grill. 

Had lunch on the beach at the first sight of spring. 

Had a date night painting session. 

Built forts. 

Life is wonderful. <3

Recently..

Recently Brad has been studying like a crazy mad man. Him and his buddy Chris are flying partners so they are getting together during the week to chair fly, study and memorize.

He has also been working on a new project - building us a dining room table. It's pretty awesome and I can't wait until he finishes so that we can share pictures!

Brad's also been super into his juicing diet. He has been eating a ton of fruit and vegetables and getting the maximum use out of his juicer. He has nothing but positive things to say about it, mainly about how much energy he has with how little he is eating. He has 7 days left in the 15 day program that they recommend. I'm sure he will succeed!

I have recently taken a seasonal retail position with Bath & Body Works. Not necessarily what I was hoping to do, but I am  enjoying it. You can't beat awesome discounts, especially around the holidays. I've already worked 4 shifts, but I am only part-time, which is working out perfect. It's just a little extra income for the holidays, especially as we plan our Christmas skiing adventure. Looking forward to spending some time in the snow this year!

Without gloating to much, I am excited for a potential temporary management position for the holidays with the company. The store manager and I met today and she asked me if I would be interested in the opportunity. Even if I don't get chosen for the position, its an honor to be recognized and approached for such an opportunity - especially with only 4 shifts under my belt!

Fall is in the air around here and Zulu has certainly taken notice. She has a crazy case of the zoomies and has spent ALL day outside today. It truly is wonderful to open all the doors and windows, shut off the air conditioner and watch a fall movie.

Which leads me to the fact that Brad is making me wait until Halloween to watch Hocus Pocus. How RUDE! I love that movie. That and Double, Double Toil and Trouble with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Yes, im 24. Yes, I just admitting to loving that movie. Your point?


The monster and I had some fun with photobooth, as you can see here:

Brad flies solo! [But only in a plane, phew!]

May 6, 2011 - It happened

Brad flew solo!

The first step was to fly with the Instructor Pilot (IP) and ensure that he had what it takes to fly. Pshhh! Not even a question!

Then, the IP jumped out Brad began his solo checklist. [Something about a harness, a shoulder strap, an engine working properly.. No matter how many times I hear it, I don't remember]

See his IP standing out there. He just jumped out!

And he's off..

[Insert Dani hyperventilating here!]

Where in the sky is Bradley Breedlove?

(only to be sung to the "Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego tune, thank you!)

Randolph, Drew (my totally awesome flight line escort) Froggie and Owei waiting for Brad.

All grin. He DID IT!

Drew has already taken a hold of him! No getting away.

HERO SHOT!

Ain't going no where with 5 grown men and miss Dana around..

Taking off all the gear to ensure nothing gets wet that's not supposed to.

I would be battling to not be thrown in that water, too. ICK!

1..2..3..

YAY!

Soaking wet, but still handsome. Love him!

All in all it was a successful flight. I know he is proud of himself and I am proud of him, too.

But, alas, the journey is not over - NOT EVEN CLOSE! Its still arduous and painful, fun and exciting, consuming - but great. We charge forward to his next solo, area solo, probably next week. Score!

With love,

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter, everyone!!

Brad and I had a looonnnnggg week and a lovely weekend!

The week seemed to drag on and, of course, the weekend flew by.

We had the opportunity to spend every evening this weekend with the lovely Belka's! They are truly wonderful and we REALLY enjoy our time with them.

Friday night we hung out at Matt Lohmeir's house, met his wonderful fiancee, listened to the guys make silly prank calls and just enjoyed the beautiful Enid weather. People keep telling us to enjoy the weather lately because soon it is going to get HOT and HUMID!

Saturday we treated ourselves to breakfast at a local hotspot, Jimmy's egg then headed to the Home and Garden show. It was hoppin'! It was more or less a farmers market with homemade goods instead of home and garden stuff. I had a great time looking at all the purses and jewelry and such. We ended up getting suckered into a jewelry cleaner and some delicious blackberry drink. We had fun just spending time together and people watching. Who knew Enid could have such a fun shindig on the weekends. About 2 o'clock we headed to the base and Brad and his class painted the base color to the solo tank. [[see below for details on the solo tank]].

Painting the base black

We're painting the tank black.. we're painting the tank black..

Brad proving that you can use a hose to siphon water from the tank.

"See guys!"

Solo tank - It's a tradition that after your solo flight you try and make it back to your squadron without being captured by your classmates and getting thrown in the tank. If you make it, you get a case of beer of your choice. If you get caught you get thrown into the tank. I can't wait to see Brad sopping wet after his solo flight. Sorry babe - I will get the flight a case of beer to make sure it goes down. (:

After the painting, we walked the flight line for a while, cautiously of course. Then we headed to the Belka's for an afternoon visit. We had a great time sitting around, laughing and then we headed out to an awesome Korean restaurant - a true Enid gem! The food was delicious, but the company was better.

After dinner we did some shopping, stopped by Nick's BBQ and then came home. Jon came over and played video games with Brad and I did some scrapbooking.

Today we had a quick breakfast and headed to church. After church we came home and Brad studied while I cooked. The Belka's invited us over for a FABULOUS Easter feast. We feasted on ham, mashed potatoes, homemade creamed corn, green bean casserole, salad, biscuits. It was heavenly! Again, the food was awesome, but the company was better!

Now we are hanging out at home, Brad studying and me scrapbooking and watching tv.

Have you all seen Fringe?

We are watching it now and Brad is seriously intrigued. It's a VERY interesting television show. It makes you go "hmmmmmmm"....

Anyway, I know I said this post would be about the military life, but I changed my mind. That will come this week.

With love,